Welding into Unresolved Grief, Rahman Hall finds Purpose by Penning a Book, Scars: Sins From My Mother, Faith of My Father.

Rahman Hall is an insurance broker for a firm, residing in Georgia, although was raised in Newark, New Jersey.

As for Scars: Sins of my Mother, Prayers From my Father, the author said that he's worked on the story for about 10 years. The story was originally non-fiction. When his uncle who is CEO of Double XXPosure Public Relations, Angelo Ellerbee, told him that he should write about his life, he was a skeptical. Ellerbee explained that the book was more captivating than the pretext. Rahman not only endured, but overcame with success, and the story could help other victims like him. "That kinda resonated with me," said Rahman "So, that’s when I decided to scrap the original book and write about my life."

The book is a haunting autobiography about Rahmans upbringing. He endured more than he should've as a child by the hands of a predator, his own biological Mother.

Rahman said that he was embarrassed, that he was molested as a child... "I promised myself that I would take this story to my grave, and wouldn't tell us a sole, which is how most men look at it. Especially, if it's a man molested by another man, they are never going to tell that story. When it's a man molested by an older woman, we take that as a badge of honor. I just had sex early. It’s no big deal, but you know," said Rahman , "Rape is rape, and child molestation is child molestation. You can't have two sides of that coin."

Rahman confirms that both his parents were intravenous drug users, which was popular even in the 70's, but he still couldn't grasp the reason his mother would do that to him.

"She died before I could speak to her about it so I never got a chance to actually get some insight from her on why she did what she did.”

The writer says that his father was arrested after his birth, and did close to a decade in prison. His father still taught him about Islam. Rahman’s spiritual connection as a Muslim, is the reason he was able to get through that misery growing up; however, this didn't mean he was mentally well. In fact, Rahman tried taking his own life by swallowing a handful of sleeping pills... "I heard this voice as if it was sitting next to me, and it said, 'Rahaman, this is not the way your life was supposed to end. You were supposed to do something great.”

Rahman quickly, tried to reverse what he’d done, and he made a promise to God that he’d do whatever he was called to do, even if it were music. Rahman eventually did both music and the his memoir.

The book was difficult to write, rehashing the situations. Rahman pushed those memories into a mental hamper filled with the soiled trauma from his childhood.

“I didn’t want to relive those moments, because each moment I spoke about in my book, I went back to that 8-year-old boy. I went back to that room my mother molested me in; so, it was hard writing those words, and I didn’t know how graphic I could get with the actual events; but I told the story as it happened”

Rahman was raised by his grandmother (until the age of 5), and his aunt Nelly raised him until adulthood. He grew up in a household filled with joy, music, and love. He’d play instruments and write poetry, and the poetry was an outlet to escape from the grasp of his mother whenever she’d emerge to spend time with him and his siblings, who were also raised by family.

Rahman said that he developed a deep love for music, and more intimately, the hip hop—He started his own rap group, and performed about 10 years.

“Music is my life, so as I’m writing the book, and the songs are coming to my head what I’m writing about, it was just a natural coalition for me to write some songs to go along with this book. So, I came up with the idea that every chapter is going to have it’s own song. There’s a soundtrack that comes with the book as well, and I’m very proud of the work I did.” The book is a manuscript, with poetic expressions introducing the chapters whereas the extension of that.

Though Rahman never got the closure he wanted from his mother, he made an interrogative song “Sins of my Mother,” and dedicated the first verse to her, asking the reason the incest and abuse happened. In the second verse, he addressed his father, who never knew about the rape.

“Writing this book helped me get the closure I needed. I realized too, that, I still held some type of contempt for my mother. I realized I had to forgive her. I had to get that hate out of my heart so I could heal, so I could move on.”

Rahman agrees that the book helped him heal, but he sought therapy. He is still on this journey of discovery.

“I gave it all to God, even when it was happening to me, and my father was teaching me about Islam. I felt like I couldn’t tell anybody. I just prayed that God would save me,” says Rahman.

Rahman explained that he eventually rejected his mothers lewd advances, but he still felt embarrassed. He tdidn’t share details about his horrific past until 50 years later.

However, he’s overcame those patterns, learned to channel negative thoughts and energy using prayer and meditation. Rahman learned healthy coping skills when triggered by scenes from his jaded childhood.

According to the CDC (https://www.cdc.gov), many children wait to report child, sexual abuse or never report it all. At least one in four girls and one in 20 boys in the United States experience child sexual abuse. About 90% child sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone known and trusted by the child or child’s family member.

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